A couple months later I get a bill from the hospital for an "estimated amount" of some $500. At the time I was under my mom's super awesome insurance, and I knew I didn't owe this amount. Ignore.
A couple months later, another bill for a *different* amount (still around $500). Ignore.
More bills. Call insurance company. Now, here's where things get complicated...when my dad was sick, my mom switched the insurance to a POS plan which has higher copays but allows for more flexibility in which doctors you can see, so my dad was able to go get crazy tests and different hospitals and such. But at the end of 2006 my mom decided to go back to the cheaper HMO because she and I didn't need the extra services my dad needed. Same insurance company, different plan. But this is now very confusing because when *I* went to the ER I had the POS, and when I was calling about my bill, I had the HMO. Thus I was several times passed to someone else who could look up my POS account who then told me, oh let me transfer you to someone else who can look up your POS account. Oh god. Finally someone said she would call me back later, which obviously she never did.
Okay fine. Ignore this problem for a long time. Ignore more bills that come from the hospital.
Later more calls to insurance. Figure out which phone number to call to get directly to the POS people, so at least now the people I call have any sort of record of me having *gone* to the hospital. But they are totally mystified as so where the $500 came from. They paid stuff to the hospital already. Tell me I need to call the hospital.
Call hospital. Why do I owe this? Well, it's your deductible.
Call insurance. They said it's my deductible. You don't have a deductible.
Call hospital. I don't have a deductible. No, it's not a deductible. You said it's a deductible. Well it's not, it's something else. What? It's something else. PS: we're about to send this to a collection agency, so that's clearly the end of the world.
Oh god. Freak out. Ignore.
Later, call insurance, because I tend to yell at them less than I yell at the hospital because insurance says I *don't* owe money. Why do I owe this? Uhh...you don't. You should owe just a $35 copay. Yeah, that's funny because no one has actually asked me for that.
Call hospital, get transfered to collection agency. I don't owe this. Yes you do, we have this piece of paper from your insurance company saying you do. OH BULL SHIT.
Call Insurance. Could you send the hospital the thing saying I just owe $35? Okay.
Call collection agency. Did you get it? No, pay us or die.
Call insurance. Can you send this thing to them? No, privacy issues prevent us. I can only send it to you. Okay, can you send it to me and I'll send it to them? Sure.
Wait. Nothing. Fuck.
Call insurance. Can you send me this thing? Sure! And I have this other thing which is what we sent to the hospital before, so I'll resend that to the collection agency, and I'll mail you your thing. AWESOME FTW!
Wait. Nothing. Fuck.
Call collection agency. Did you get the fax? No. Well, okay, why do I owe this again? We have this piece of paper saying you do. Umm...can I see that? No, it's private between us and your insurance. It's clearly not private if *I* am the one being charged. ARRRGGGH.
Meanwhile, more bills, in increasingly ominously colored envelopes. More freaking out.
Call insurance. SERIOUSLY SEND THIS THING OMG. Okay, I'm faxing it to the collection agency this afternoon.
Call collection agency. Didyougetitdidyougetithuhhuhhuh????
TODAY: Call collection agency. Did you get it? Hold on,......okay I'm printing it..........Okay, this says you owe $35. UH YEAH. What about the $500? No, that's been written off. Okay, you send me a bill for $35 and I will pay it. We will. Okaybye. No "sorry we've been randomly harrassing you for two years" or anything.
Whatever. I am so happy. The end.